More News From Lumby

Anomalies in the votes tallied for Proposition 122B (to fire or not to fire the town cannon this coming July 4th due to last year’s mishap) and Proposition 126 (to rebuild or not to rebuild the town’s gazebo due to last year’s mishap) have uncovered a reoccurring problem: many town residents continue to register their dogs, cows and horses as Absentee Independents.  These ‘anonymous’ votes nearly doubled the town’s current population of 4,362.  Since the practice was so widespread, no action is being taken against the violators, but letters of reprimand have been mailed out to all four-legged voters.

To a good home.  Jasper. 5-year-old Great Dane.  Easy to keep, eats anything and especially likes children.  925-9951.

For sale by owner.  Handyman’s special cabin unoccupied for 26 years but like new.  4-wheel-drive access at best. Bring bear repellant. 925-0021.

Man with unresolved toe fetish seeks woman fascinated by ear hair. Must wear size six flip-flops.  Call Phil. 925-3928

Mother-in-law finally passed, rest her soul.  RV in backyard now seeking responsible tenant.  1 bed 1 bath.  Very quaint bordering on charming.  You can keep Vera’s clothes that are still in the closet, except for her nightgown, which the wife wants, unfortunately.  $55 per month.  No deposit if you’re the honest type.  925-4439


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